After last weeks pasting at Billingshurst, Captain Simon was full of hope for the 5th XI's second outing of the league season, at home (Fortress Patcham) to Southwater IIIs. And why not? The forecast was good, we had a full eleven (admittedly the last man, Ben Hemmings, was signed up late on Friday evening) and the pavilion at Patcham had been given a good scrubbing on Friday night. As I walk across to the pavilion it occurs to me that the last time I played at this ground was in 1983! Just a small matter of 33 years ago , the world was a different place back then Liverpool had just won the Division 1 title with Watford in the runners up spot, Brighton & Hove were relegated and also reached the FA Cup Final, drawing 2-2 with Manchester United in front of a 99,059 crowd before losing 4-0 in the replay, Luxembourg had recently won the Eurovision song contest for the 4th time. It also occurs to me the most of my team mates were not even born then. That evening I played in a 20 over game (none of your modern day 20/20 nonsense) & after a shocking LBW decision, Ivor Caplin (who would go on to become the MP for Hove) walked slowly off the field, packed his bag & went home. I don't remember any other details of the game.

We all arrived in plenty of time to set up including using the new boundary rope (who said the council had no money). Anyway part one of the match plan (and believe it or not there was a plan) was successful as Simon won the toss again & elected to bowl first. The new ball was entrusted to 2 of our U13s, the reliable Kyle and debutant Ollie. Despite the the first ball of the innings being dispatched for 4 the boys made an excellent start, bowling straight & full (part two of the Captain's master plan). Runs were hard to come by & a slow outfield meant the batters had to earn their runs. Kyle made the initial breakthrough in the third over, drawing the batsmen in to a drive and having him caught behind by OJ (this is a proper wicket - just like you see on telly when Jimmy Anderson takes the new ball). The going is slow & the batters get in a muddle with their calling and Kiwi Alex throws the stumps down from point resulting in a run out (another example of proper cricket). After the youth comes the experience as JP & Alex take over bowling duties. The oldies (and Alex) keep up the good work bowling full & the fielders ensure runs are at a premium. JP demonstrates the art of "taking the pace off" and in desperation a big hit is attempted. The safe hands of the captain take the catch & the new batter hits his second ball straight to Kiwi Alex & suddenly we are in the driving seat.

At drinks (without biscuits, thanks OJ) after 20 overs the score is not much over 50. The captain is enjoying his drink & the banter. The next 15 overs continue in much the same vein, slow going, few boundaries & accurate bowling. It is hard to pinpoint exactly when it stopped going to plan but the Kiwi is removed from the attack for bowling a second high full toss, Kyle leaves the field with a damaged finger, Simon's one ball spell (almost faultless) results in a simple chance being dropped (the sun being Alex's reasonable defence) and there are some misfields & over throws. Southwater end their innings on 148 for 4 - not a huge score but it will take some sensible batting to chase down.

First we have the delights of the tea, fair to say this is phenomenal & up to last season's very high standards, the quantity & variety of food available may explain the captain's desire to bowl first ( it is hard to field after too many scones/flapjacks/etc). The batting order is sorted we start with the steady Nat (one of only two 5th XI batters who can call himself a centurion) and the youthful OJ (this is partly because he starts work at 7pm in Newhaven). A steady start is needed & delivered, despite some swing the opening pair seem untroubled. Dr Nat's dismissal gives debutant Ben a chance to strike some meaty blows. We are staying in touch with the run rate & everyone (including the skipper who is on umpiring duty) seems content & relaxed. After Ben's dismissal we get a bit bogged down, Mockers struggles to get going. OJ carries on to a career high of 37 (including one cracking pull shot that even Joss Butler would have been happy with). But the run rate is increasing, Darron joins the fray - there are two 3s run in a matter of minutes (OJ overtakes Darron on the second one), but we are falling behind. Alex rounds off an up & down day with a first baller, the skipper is dismissed LBW & we fall short by 11 runs.

It is all rather disappointing and the skipper is fuming. Still the earth keeps turning, there is always next week, we pack everything away & head back to the Nevill for a few refreshing pints and the chance to review the afternoons efforts.

Back at the clubhouse there is no rest, a few of us enter the almost legendary "Bruce Edgar Roll Up Roll off challenge" and Alison Jones takes a share of the spoils (a well deserved reward for those wonderful teas) and then we settle down to a night of Eurovision.

The match sponsors (Mixed Metaphors & Cliches Inc) are pleased to announce that the MMC MVP was Ollie Jones with a special mention for Ollie Hawes who bowled 8 overs for just 12 runs ( a very promising debut).

Match scorecard can be viewed here: Scorecard