Apologies from our correspondent for the tardiness in filing his match report. If we go back a couple of weeks to Saturday 28 May, the 5s entertained Crawley Down 2s at Patcham place. I am not sure entertained is the correct word but we started in high spirits. Making their first appearance for the 5s in 2016 were the Dark Prince, Delicious treats (having escaped from his submarine for the weekend), Alfie Harrison & Matt Riches and making his debut on the 5s Magic Bus was Strimmer Dave (or Pommie Dave soon to become The Message).

On arrival the Patcham ground was bathed in sunshine but surrounded by ominous thick black clouds, claps of thunder echoed around the ground & as the inevitable rain began we huddled in the changing rooms. Dr Nat kept informing us the rain would stop in 10 minutes (which became 20 minutes & then 30) and that it would be sunny from then on. Eventually he was proved correct.

One of the mysteries of last season was how the side from Crawley was not promoted - they looked to have a strong batting side (as they smashed us to all parts of their picturesque ground last year) & plenty of accurate seamers. After the rain stopped the Downers spent a lot of time debating when we could start & how many overs could be bowled. They seemed overly concerned about the state of the pitch and were very intense in the run up to the toss. The pitch doesn’t matter to Simon, he has a plan, wins the toss & bowls first – 32 overs a side is agreed.

We start slowly, Kyle is struggling to find his line & length but Ollie Hawes bowls another impressive spell. The batters show much more intent than previous teams at Patcham. Alfie bowls an excellent spell & picks up 2 well deserved wickets. However the batters keep on coming, all trying to force the pace, we keep trying. The last few overs we seem to drift off in the field (again) & give away a few too many runs. Ollie bowls the last over & is rewarded with his first adult league wicket, the Down finish on 156 for 5. Ollie has figures of 1 for 24 from 7 overs & Alfie finishes with an impressive 3 for 19 from his 7.

We settle down to enjoy the sunshine & another splendid tea (best in the Division?) thanks to Alison’s efforts. The captain has more important things to worry about; someone has to sort out the batting order. Most captains (at any standard of cricket) look at their batters & can identify the players who can play a match winning innings or score a century. Our batting order has 2 players who have league hundreds to their names, some youthful promise & the rest are older guys who may get 20 or 30. Simon opts to put all his eggs in one basket & opens with the Dark Prince & Dr Nat. the Dark Prince unleashes some of his trademark straight drives – but finds the fielders or the bowler's size 10s.

The DP is dismissed and is quickly followed by a couple of youngsters & Darron who forgets he has a bad back and tries to run a two. Delicious Treats doesn’t last too long and when Dr Nat is out for a well-made 34 we are in big trouble. Some respectability is assured by a hard fought partnership between the Message & Alfie however the innings closes at 95 for 9 with just one point acquired.

Still we have cheesecake to look forward to & it is fines night back in the clubhouse bar. Alison rounds off a good day (for her) by taking a share in the BERURO challenge.

The match sponsors (Mixed Metaphors & Cliches Inc) are pleased to announce that the MMC MVP was Alfie Harrison.